Taking Care of Myself

So many of us AA's are codependent on top of our alcohol problems. I have such a tendency to feel responsible for the feelings of others. Guess what! I'm not! Wow, what a great discovery this is. And as a twenty-something, I'm grateful to have discovered this now. As long as my actions and intentions are right, then the responses and reactions I receive are completely the responsibility of the other person.

Boundaries are important in any relationship, but especially the marriage one. It is such a fine line to walk. We should not tempt our spouse with something that will cause them to react poorly; however, if what we say or do is not "wrong" then we cannot worry about what they say or do. I am not responsible for that today. It feels so good to know that!

Thankful for the Program

It is a new season in my life. As some of you know, I've been sober for 5 years. That is quite an accomplishment in this day and age when so many of my peers can only think of drinking and partying- especially the ones without the responsibilities of family and work. It has been quite a struggle lately, but I have made it through. God's grace is absolutely amazing. He has pulled me through the fog and the funk I have been in. What an amazing God we have!!!! He has placed the right people in my life at the right time and the right places. I am also learning that asking for help is not weakness; it is a lesson in humility. I know I can't do it all on my own. I also found out that it's good to cry once in a while. It purges the soul. What a gift - tears are like a shower that washes away the muck and junk surrounding all the good in my life. I'm so glad that my eyes have been opened to this. If I shut others out then it is impossible to get close to anyone in my life - what a concept!

Five Year Slump

I have been clean and sober for five years, but that does not mean that I always have it dialed in. I am not quite sure what happened, but in the last 6 months, I stopped eating and stopped nourishing my soul. What an illusion of control I have had. I feel like I'm in control, never realizing that I'm really not. Now the food (or lack of it) is controlling my thoughts everyday, all day long. I can tell myself that it is a logical idea to eat. If I don't eat, I will die. But then my feelings and emotions boil over and tell me that I am a bad person if I eat. And if I do eat, then I am filled with shame and fear that one meal is going to make me fat. It is the hardest thing in the world to explain, because I don't understand it at all. It is difficult to put into words how my mind is working right now. But I want to get it out and share it with others, so that someone else might be helped through my struggles.

Service: What's it really all about?

It is important to be of service. Especially if you are trying to be sober. As a member of AA, I know that my time in service has benefitted me by keeping me sober. Without my sobriety, I cannot be a good wife, mother, daughter, friend, sister, or employee. It affects all facets of my life. I am on the hotline call list for the 52nd District AA hotline. I'm not even sure how I got on the list, and honestly, it interrupts my life sometimes. But if I do not answer these calls, someone who is ready to make a change in their life may not be brave enough to call back. I need to take these calls because other people helped me when I was ready. It is selfish for me to say that I don't have the time.

Anyone considering service; it is so important. Take time to participate. Anything you give will be returned to you 3-fold.

Young and Grateful in AA

I'm not really sure who is going to read this, but I wanted to keep track of my thoughts and "epiphanies" as they happen in my recovery.  I have been sober over 5 years, since March 2, 2004.  I have learned a lot during that time, but I feel like my real growth just started this past February, right before my 5th birthday.  It has been an amazing few months, and I can't wait to write more about it on this page.  Please comment with any questions or thoughts you might want to share. And thanks for reading :)