Five Year Slump

I have been clean and sober for five years, but that does not mean that I always have it dialed in. I am not quite sure what happened, but in the last 6 months, I stopped eating and stopped nourishing my soul. What an illusion of control I have had. I feel like I'm in control, never realizing that I'm really not. Now the food (or lack of it) is controlling my thoughts everyday, all day long. I can tell myself that it is a logical idea to eat. If I don't eat, I will die. But then my feelings and emotions boil over and tell me that I am a bad person if I eat. And if I do eat, then I am filled with shame and fear that one meal is going to make me fat. It is the hardest thing in the world to explain, because I don't understand it at all. It is difficult to put into words how my mind is working right now. But I want to get it out and share it with others, so that someone else might be helped through my struggles.

Service: What's it really all about?

It is important to be of service. Especially if you are trying to be sober. As a member of AA, I know that my time in service has benefitted me by keeping me sober. Without my sobriety, I cannot be a good wife, mother, daughter, friend, sister, or employee. It affects all facets of my life. I am on the hotline call list for the 52nd District AA hotline. I'm not even sure how I got on the list, and honestly, it interrupts my life sometimes. But if I do not answer these calls, someone who is ready to make a change in their life may not be brave enough to call back. I need to take these calls because other people helped me when I was ready. It is selfish for me to say that I don't have the time.

Anyone considering service; it is so important. Take time to participate. Anything you give will be returned to you 3-fold.